Goodwill

This is awkward.

I think it's time I cleared the air on something. Something that I really should have told Kalika, and all of you, but I haven't heard from her in months, so I guess we've severed ties now.

That whole thing, with our shit being stolen. That wasn't just theft. It was repossession. And I knew pretty much as soon as I got my thoughts together. I'm still not sure how the culprit pulled it off, mind you. But I'm pretty sure it was him.

Here's the thing. I'm in, like a lot of debt. Is it the "kick down your door and fucking kill you" kind of debt, or the "repossess your house and have you slowly die in the cold" kind of debt? I wish I knew.

The only reason I'm telling you all now is because I'm in over my head on it either way. Maybe three years ago I met a fellow runner, called himself Goodwill. Well-connected. He seemed like a nice person. Frankly, too nice for someone in this shitpit of an existence. Literally had this smile all the damn time that didn't break. He made loans to other runners to get them on their feet. And I... may have decided I was going to take the money and go off the radar. He wasn't exactly poor to put it mildly, especially for a runner. So while I understand that what I did was wrong... fuck it, whatever, doesn't matter. While (actually, because) he was bizarrely congenial, I never took him for the loan shark type.

When I started a blog he tracked me back down pretty quickly (yeah, call me stupid, I fucking thrive on it.) So I pretended I was planning to pay him the money all along and just got caught up in life. That's where I was sneaking off to, to pay what I could.

And then I met Kalika. And I guess I wanted a friend. I know she's not my friend, and never was. But fuck, I haven't had company in so fucking long. She wanted to do her research, and suddenly I was funding the equipment and doing errands for her. Not only did I have company, but I had a purpose and something to focus on other than the constant fuckery of being on the run from a force you'll never understand. This is all pathetic as molten shit, I know, but I didn't want to be alone again. So I dug myself into this one pretty fucking aptly.

Anyway, Goodwill probably sussed it all pretty quickly. That radio song was requested by one of Goodwill's. Probably to let me know they were watching me, and knew about me.

I'm in and out of safehouses and hotels right now. The more I change location, the better.