I should have known better. I haven't been out since Kelevra and some others were possibly back.
Kalika wanted some stuff from a warehouse on a five finger discount. Science shit. I don't even remember now. It was a number on a box I had to find. Test tubes? Distillation tubes? Serum tubes? Always with the tubes. What is she, a fucking hamster?
Security guard on his phone, was about to see me no matter what. Should have just darted out and ran. Some... fucking stupid part of my brain decided I should incapacitate him. But it went wrong. Something building up in me, it erupted. New language, new rules. Carefully incapacitate him to fucking hit him. I hit him. I hit him again. Hazy. Weird mist. I only stopped myself when my ears hurt from the screaming. Not his. Mine. Fear? But my hands weren't numb; my knuckles were sore and bleeding. My blood wasn't cold. It was scorching. He was bleeding, staggering. I didn't even realise how hard I hit him.
Rage. I was screaming in rage.
Tried to call emergency services, ended up yelling incoherently at the operator, tearing the phone out the fucking wall and running. I dunno if they showed up.
I feel like I "woke up" just through the door of my safehouse. I didn't remember much of what I had actually done, I just remembered anger and screaming.
I didn't sleep for days. Then, I slept for days. With nightmares like I haven't known for a few years now. But they helped me piece together what happened. Even if I wish I could go on not knowing.
Kalika just goes off and lays out in the woods. She doesn't give a shit. Good for her, really. Why should she? Why should I?
Everybody leaves. Or dies. I hate them for leaving. I hate them for dying. I hate them for not staying. But then, why the hell should they stay? It's not like I have anything to offer anyone but pain and anger now. And it's not like I stay. I wish I was just nowhere. Not dead, not alive. Just nowhere.
And then I hate them for coming back.
