Botched

I should have known better. I haven't been out since Kelevra and some others were possibly back.

Kalika wanted some stuff from a warehouse on a five finger discount. Science shit. I don't even remember now. It was a number on a box I had to find. Test tubes? Distillation tubes? Serum tubes? Always with the tubes. What is she, a fucking hamster?

Security guard on his phone, was about to see me no matter what. Should have just darted out and ran. Some... fucking stupid part of my brain decided I should incapacitate him. But it went wrong. Something building up in me, it erupted. New language, new rules. Carefully incapacitate him to fucking hit him. I hit him. I hit him again. Hazy. Weird mist. I only stopped myself when my ears hurt from the screaming. Not his. Mine. Fear? But my hands weren't numb; my knuckles were sore and bleeding. My blood wasn't cold. It was scorching. He was bleeding, staggering. I didn't even realise how hard I hit him.

Rage. I was screaming in rage. 

Tried to call emergency services, ended up yelling incoherently at the operator, tearing the phone out the fucking wall and running. I dunno if they showed up.

I feel like I "woke up" just through the door of my safehouse. I didn't remember much of what I had actually done, I just remembered anger and screaming.

I didn't sleep for days. Then, I slept for days. With nightmares like I haven't known for a few years now. But they helped me piece together what happened. Even if I wish I could go on not knowing.

Kalika just goes off and lays out in the woods. She doesn't give a shit. Good for her, really. Why should she? Why should I?

Everybody leaves. Or dies. I hate them for leaving. I hate them for dying. I hate them for not staying. But then, why the hell should they stay? It's not like I have anything to offer anyone but pain and anger now. And it's not like I stay. I wish I was just nowhere. Not dead, not alive. Just nowhere.

And then I hate them for coming back.

Is he really back?

How would I know for sure?

What would I do about it?

I have a lot to think about.

Always have a plan, that’s what I was told.

Strange Behaviour

Kalika here. I have seen multiple instances of strange behaviour while running, in every party imaginable. Some speculate it is a result of the rakshasa's influence, and some speculate it is from the psychological strain that is present with feeling under constant threat. Perhaps these things are one in the same.

So, Min's brand of strange behaviour caused a slight ruckus. It was around 3 in the morning. She puts on the radio sometimes while cleaning out weapons. There is not much to be said for nighttime radio, even by radio standards, but it does fill the silence, so I don't mind. Even though she never puts BBC4 on.

"...clear skies. Unusual, we've just had a music request from an Aidan. You're up late. Enjoy this eighties classic..."

At the name, Min looked up, and checked her phone. Aidan, I had heard that name before, possibly when she was on the phone. (I'm not eavesdropping. I simply have excellent hearing and a tendency to sit near the door when she takes phone calls.) The opening chords of a song began. Her eyes widened.

"...Bad Medicine by Bon Jovi."

That's when she just crashed, sobbing hysterically. She fought for a deep breath. I stood to see what was happening. A surge of vomit smothered a would-be scream from her. She crawled through the putrid grit and snatched up the radio, trying to change the channel but accidentally breaking the dial off. So she pounded it against the wall. As the radio grew damaged, the song morphed into a horrifically distorted version until it finally stopped. Her muscles gave, she lay there for a few minutes. I went to see to her, but she pushed my hand way, pulled herself up and wiped the vomit off her mouth with her sleeve, breathing deeply still. Staggering, she grabbed her coat and her Colt.

"I'll be back. Don't follow me," she muttered, and slammed the door behind her.

I would have followed, but I felt it best to recount this first otherwise I fear the details of what was said on the radio would slip my mind. If I can gather more information, this will make an interesting addition to my notes on psychological effects of running.

Failed

I failed the mission. Fighting on CCTV is not my jam. I don't know why Kalika insisted. We don't need footage tying us to anything or any place. Or should I say, me. If a servant or whatever other abominations is prey on this chaos gets hold of this, it's my damn image. Which one of us the paranoid one? Can't really say.

I'll stop with the bullshit excuses.

Alright, what happened. Well, an area where security cameras that Kalika can hack and my target meet is an alleyway by a frequented bar. I chalked a Timberwolf logo near the entrance. I'll be honest, it was almost a little bit too easy to get the target into place. Everything else was an entirely fucking different matter, hence why I've been recovering for a month. Shooting would attract make too loud a sound. It was remote, sure, but you don't risk it. A combat knife was my next choice. Straight for the throat. Still, I braced myself in case it went wrong. You can't afford to underestimate anyone. Not when they're built like the proverbial brick shithouse they just walked out of.

Even I wasn't ready for how damn strong he was despite that. I was parried and bashed into a wall by my neck. Everything blurred and span. Jesus, my head burned. A blue-white glow approached. Initially it seemed like some kind of phone. I grabbed for it; he wasn't calling for help or I was screwed. He clung to it. While I was struggling for it, the details of the world crept back in. It wasn't a phone. When my ears stopped rushing, I could hear it too. A Taser. And like I said, he had way more muscle than me. There was no way I was going to just prise it from him. Plus, pulling an active Taser towards me could pretty easily go wrong and by wrong I mean impending fucking death. 

So, the key was to look for the weakness. He was more focused on the Taser and steering it than anything else. So I slammed the knife into his opposite shoulder and twisted it. He made a sound somewhere between pain and laughter. Which was kind of disturbing, but nothing new. Him dropping the Taser, that was the goal. I kicked it away from us but left myself open to several punches. When I started tasting blood, I went for him again, the neck, with the knife, trying to dodge and approach from the side. But in an alleyway there aren't many directions you can attack from. Everything started spinning again when my head was knocked against a wall again. Countless bruises, a few sprains and one broken rib later, I realised I was no longer in control of the fight. So I started sprinting away, swiping up the Taser on the way.

Yeah, I ran away. Those who hate me, say your piece about me being a coward, give me your worst. The slight plus side is that Kalika trusts me for trying, but that's the participation medal of the situation. I'm not sure I trust her for sending me after someone under circumstances that really weren't in my favour just to prove I'm not a traitor. The new Taser is sort of a bonus. As per training I'm discouraged to use any unknown weapon unless I'm out of options. Plus after the fight it got pretty battered and a faulty Taser has the potential to backfire just as badly as any gun. Maybe Kalika will fix it up for me. She owes me that much.

Mutated Maenads and Uncertain Loyalties

Kalika here.

The mutation of what I estimate is 30% of Maenads into grotesque humanoids is a relatively unexplored subject. I plan to spend some time studying this but I wanted to discuss something of interest: the eyes of Maenad that Min brought have tapeta lucida.

The tapetum lucidum is a reflective layer found in the eyes of many animals that operate in low-light conditions, such as cats, aye ayes and wolves. If you have ever seen a photograph of a cat or dog that was taken with flash, you will notice its eyes appear to be glowing. This the tapetum reflecting the light back. Light is reflected back through the retina, increasing visibility in dark conditions. The "pay-off" is usually a lower clarity of vision. In some creatures, mutated Maenads included, this can be negated by strategic distribution of rods and cones.

When I associated with my previous group, one member claimed he had fought mutated Maenads by shining a bright torch in their eyes. We never discussed it in great detail, but on the basis that mutated Maenad eyes might not adjust as quickly to light levels as humans, it is now worth consideration.

Min is due back soon from getting the Timberwolf. I sent her after a very specific one and got into the CCTV there. I needed to witness it for myself. Why? Well, to be honest, while it is partially true that I needed all these samples, I sent Min to do this primarily to test if she was a servant or not. I had good reason to suspect as such that I will detail in a moment.

Min, I have some questions about your loyalties, and if you try to silence me by deleting this then I will know you have something to hide.

-Why did you delete that file? I checked and the folder it was in was last edited just after you got a hold of it and I hadn't seen it. So I know you deleted it, now what's on it, and why did you deny it?

-Who are you hiding from when you walk down the street with the green neon sign?

-Why, like clockwork, are you going out every 4pm on a Friday?

Now, I am headed out on a field trip, so you have time to think about your answers, and I find out if it is bullshit.

Maenad

Next target was a Maenad. Kalika wanted its blood, and then later texted me saying she wanted its eyes. Its eyes. What the fuck, right? Good job I'm such a fucking giver.

The Maenad I found was on the bounty list for striking down a lot of Timberwolves. They didn't have a picture of it, but the grotesque description was enough that I decided to go at night. Its residence was an dark, overgrown garden stretching to a hospital, both must have been abandoned for quite some time. The ground was either way too dry or way too drenched. I didn't take the footpath to the hospital, it seemed too obvious. Instead I decided to go through the cover of the winding trees. always keeping an eye on anything that might come sprinting out the hospital. Maenads are fast, faster than you or I. Unfortunately that also applies to their intellect.

"Jesus shit!"

The ground gave beneath me. I fell down maybe three metres. Doesn't sound like much until you actually have to fall that distance. Plus, you know how it feels when you get all your gear and you end up in a pitfall Team Rocket could have fucking dug?

I had to use my combat knives to ice-pick my way up, which took a long fucking time. Or at least, like the fall, it feels pretty long when a Maenad might charge in any second. I swear, even the crows seemed to be laughing at me. Eventually I hauled my arse up onto ground level again and made my way to the hospital. I could already smell the Maenad.

"Jesus bollocks!"

I hit the dirt as something tackled me from the side (sans mercy - my shoulder is knackered.) Used the momentum to roll away and hit a disused, overturned lawn mower. This being a Maenad, or maybe me just being slow and making excuses, I didn't have long enough to move. That's when I was being choked by something. Garden hose pipe. Admittedly I wasn't thinking straight at that point; I pulled my Colt out and tried to fire it, of course I left the bastarding safety on. Still, the gun distracted the Maenad who kicked it away from us. I braced my foot against the lawn mower, hauled the rusted blade off and rammed it into the Maenad's carotid. Impaled it pretty good into the ground. Messy, but I was able to collect some blood easily.

It actually said something. It said, why are you doing this?

I didn't have a good answer for that, so I said nothing. Taking out the eyes was the gross bit. All the soap and scalding water in the world will never make me forget how it felt getting my fingers into the socket and prying them out.

Plus the crows will eat well this spring.

Oathbreaker

One of the things I like and despise about Kalika, she's very straightforward. No song and dance, she just came up to me and said, "I need some Oathbreaker blood, some Timberwolf blood and some Maenad blood. For analysis. ASAP."

"Why?"

"You can gather it in these test tubes." She put some capped test tubes into my bag followed by some paper, sellotape and a pen. "Use these to mark which blood is which."

I didn't appreciate not being told why, but I did appreciate not having to stand guard; sometimes going out in the field is a good thing. Being the hunter rather than the hunted, it's a good feeling. Anyway, before I left, I printed off all the bounty pages on the USB that were Oathbreakers, picked up my knife and my Colt. That's why there was a silence, I had to fully commit to the mission and gather intel on the target (good fucking god, I almost sound like Kalika or Incognito.)

The Oathbreaker I found worked as a chemist sort who was on there for experimentation that left a handful of Timberwolves dead or wishing they were dead, and for aiding proxies. She had the lowest bounty of all, so I figured she'd be less on guard compared to any Oathbreakers that know they're on the shitlist. I approached by foot; she lived on a farm, growing some freaking bizarre plants I've never seen before. There was an enclosed greenhouse with this huge dark plant growing. I couldn't determine much about the shape of it, but it seemed to breathe in and out. I was about to go in and look at it in more detail until I saw the human and animal bones on the floor.

Continuing to stare and try to work out the deal was my mistake. It distracted me from the mission until projectile hit the pane just centimetres from my head. I dived behind a tractor tyre to go over what I knew. From the angle it likely came somewhat from above, so whoever shot was up high.

Now by instinct, I slowed my breathing and held my Colt properly. It stopped my hands shaking. Freaking out helps nobody but your opponents. That's when I saw the ladder on the side of the large steel circular structure. A slurry pit. I poked my foot out to bait the shooter, they fired, it hit the sole of my boot. Charging the tank, I basically hurled myself up the ladder to find the Oathbreaker reloading a crossbow, of all weapons.

I grabbed her arm and plunged the blade into her wrist. Shaking the test tube out of my sleeve, I crushed blood out of her arm as fast as possible and got the sample. She managed to tackle me onto the slurry pit cover and got a shot on my leg with the crossbow. It scarcely hurt; I looked down in surprise, and then I saw it. Little syringe-like marks on the projectile. A tranquilliser dart. Now I was on borrowed time. If I ran, or freaked out, my heart would race and the tranquilliser would take effect faster.

Her foot powered into my chest suddenly. I fell back on the ladder platform, blade making a hole in the slurry pit cover. I got an idea. Tore into the slurry pit cover with my knife, following the circumference, then extended the tear much further with two bullets from the Colt. One for the edge, and one for towards the centre. Christ, it was fucking a putrid smell, one of those smells that has a force to it. The Oathbreaker dropped straight through the rip. Rapidly enough for her to be unable to stop it. I think I saw the fear on her face. She was going to drown in liquid shit. Nobody survives that. You can't swim in it or lie on top of it; it's worse than quicksand. Even if you could navigate it, the fumes knock you out. It was too dark to see her fall in. Still, I heard the grotesque slapping sound reverberating through the steel tank as her body hit the viscous manure.

I practically fell down the ladder and stumbled into a barn to pass out as safely as possible. As you know from the fact I'm writing this, I made it back OK. Although that was the longest shower I have ever had.